bittersweet

Wednesday was a bittersweet day.

We found out that we will not be able to adopt Hannah.

It was an awful moment to realize that this child, who we thought would be our daughter, was snatched from us in an instant…in an email. I hadn’t prepared myself for such news and I was surprised at how much it hurt. I guess I shouldn’t have been, since we had already named her, sent her things in the mail, imagined life with her…even wondering how in the world I was gonna do her hair! But now she is no longer ours.

The “sweet” part was that during the investigation (to determine her orphan status), her mother was found, and she wanted to take Hannah back. I’m trying like crazy not to judge or criticize her – I have no idea the circumstances that surrounded her abandonment. I have no idea what life in extreme poverty is like. I am just hoping and praying that Hannah will be taken care of and that she will not have to experience abandonment by her mother again. She is probably thrilled to see her mommy, and that does my heart some good. I am glad that our pursuit to adopt her reunited her with her mom.

It was so good to hear sweet Addy praying for her last night, thanking God that Hannah’s mommy was found and that she gets to be with her again.

International adoption is certainly an emotional roller coaster, filled with the highest highs and the lowest lows. Thankfully, we have a gracious and loving God who is in charge, and He knows who are children are and will bring them home to us in His perfect timing. Thankfully we can trust Him to give us the “peace of God, which transcends all understanding, to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

On another “sweet” note, we are 99% positive that Joseph is eligible to be adopted AND another little boy there. His name is Matthew and he is 2. We’re still waiting for more information, and I’ll update here as we learn more.

Audra - May 21, 2010 - 2:22 pm

I love you sweet friend.

Colleen - May 21, 2010 - 2:34 pm

Love you, too, yo. :)

Ami - May 21, 2010 - 5:04 pm

Leenie, I’m so sorry! I can empathize. We had to let go of a little girl with our first attempt to adopt. It hurts. You’ll never forget her, and maybe that’s why God allowed you to think you were going to adopt her…so that she’ll always be covered in prayer by your family. I’ll pray for her and her mom, too. Love you!

Sonia - May 21, 2010 - 7:51 pm

Ack girl, I’m so sorry. That is so hard and conflicting for a heart!! I don’t know what to say other than to stand in agreement with you that Yes! So glad that HE is driving this adoption train and that HE knows exactly the destination.

Kate Hawk - May 21, 2010 - 8:09 pm

Amazing Faith my friend! You all are in my prayers during this process. My heart is oh so tender towards adoption. I just do not yet know why God made it that way! His timing, is Always PERFECT!

Love you Colleen!

ps the girls are so precious!

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